Be Brave. Be You. Be Happy.
For those who are my friends or kind of close in some way, I believe they noticed that on birthday wishes I start adding in the end the expression “Be brave. Be you. Be happy.”, and eventually got a tattoo in my arm. As I write, gladly, I cannot remember if anyone ever asked me, why I wrote specifically that, and here I am sharing that with you. The reason I say gladly is because a tattoo usually has an intimate meaning, which can be uncomfortable or annoying to share with everyone, specially if it is not so simple as the expression looks like.
The first time I wrote “Be brave. Be you. Be happy.” I was writing a birthday wish for a friend but somehow, I remember why I wrote to her the same thing, when she was about to go study abroad and not the first time, probably because I related more with the life event she was about to experience: being away, by yourself in a different environment.
My first major experience being away from family and friends in a different environment was when I went to study my masters abroad. I was 24/25 years old and I was under the impression that I knew myself, I was sure of my values, how I would behave in any different occasions. Living in Lisbon as a student, in student residency with other students, falling in love with a Portuguese guy, being my first time in Europe, where the only real familiar things was the language – at certain level – and custard tarts, was not as easy as I thought. Most of my first year was overwhelming, I found my self in situations where I did or considered doing things that “normally” I wouldn’t; I found myself accepting armful situations to my self-esteem, for others convenience… I was not defending and fighting for myself. I was chocked with myself. To overcome those challenges I had to make some decisions in my life, such as moving, detaching from some persons and getting closers to others, going for therapy, doing more things I like, being more with myself, look out for myself. Despite the first-year experience, I am grateful for it, the overall experience was life changing in both academic / professional and personal perspectives, it changed me, I grew as person, as a woman.
My second major experience was, when I went to work in Chimoio – central province in Mozambique -, by choice, 6 months after coming back from Lisbon, I was again away from family and friends, in a different environment. I feel like somehow, I knew deep down, that I needed to by myself to heal, to reframe some experiences and have new ones, I wanted to continue my journey to find myself. In opposite from Lisbon, in Chimoio I was conscious that I should be able to defend myself – professional and personally -, I was aware that I needed to do more things I like, in my terms, but also because I didn’t know anyone, I felt the freedom to explore other aspects of my personality / expand my comfort zone in some aspects of my life. This process was different but also not easy. There was situation and times, people were judging and talking about me, where I had to learn not to be so much bordered about it, where I had to remind myself that I was so much than the gossips, and the portion people could see of me. I guess it was when I started to be own best friend, talking to myself, asking me questions, encouraging and giving myself advices that we usually seek so much in others (which is good if we do not depend on it). I was experiencing what was being truth to myself and free, with all good and not so good consequences.
What all that has to do with “Be brave. Be you. Be happy.”? The not so small summary, was just to say that, when I was in Chimoio, I start wondering if I did not have my experiences in Lisbon, would I realize that being/ feeling vulnerable would “expose cracks” in self-awareness, my values, boundaries? If I was not in Chimoio, would I have the chance to explore and expand my comfort zone and discovery new aspects of my personality? From conversations, self-observation, observation, I really believe is difficult to really know ourselves in familiar environment, atmosphere, especially with our socialization which applaud patterns, similarities, we are not raised or educated to question it, nor to look for and understand different. I am not saying you need to be in a different city or country to really know yourself, but, being in a different setting (specially by yourself) is definitely an easy way for you to get in touch in an immersive way with you which most likely will raise internal questionings, conflicts. Reading, learning, interacting with people from different ages, backgrounds, questioning life, situations/ challenges, you, in general is the way. Regardless of means, opportunities, settings, circumstances, if you don’t have the curiosity and habit for questioning yourself, most likely you might not know yourself, which I am sorry to say, is sad.
Therefore, Be brave enough to question yourself, what are your values, likes, dislikes, qualities, flaws, dreams, preferences, feelings, behaviors, boundaries, etc. When you find out or while finding out if the previous are really yours, dare to Be you, start small, plan, study, read, travel, do, seek for help, achieve. Because only when you are being your true self, doing what you love, with who you love, you will have the chance to Be happy and contribute to others happiness with your truth.
A recent conversation with my niece made me think about how we can explain and capacitate other to be self-aware, and I am sure I will mature my wonderings on that for a specific post. One thing I am sure for now is that, it is a not ever over process, there is no such thing as too much self-aware.
Be brave. Be you. Be happy.
P